To find your purpose/passion, the thing that will bring you joy and make you money, have you been sitting, waiting, meditating and analyzing what you’re supposed to be doing with your life because you can’t afford to make yet another mistake?
Or, have you been rushing and pushing to get an answer because, well … TIME IS RUNNING OUT!!
Being the overachiever that I am, I oscillated between both “methods”.
There was a serious tug of war going on between my mind and my ‘higher-self’.
I had spent most of my life trying to think my way to money, to happiness, to everything … even at the cost of ignoring my intuition/gut.
And it seemed that whenever I tried to quiet my mind and connect with my inner-self, my true self, my brain would immediately step in with an opinion. Almost always, it was why I couldn’t or shouldn’t.
It sounded a lot like …
I don’t have the time.
There are a million other people doing the same thing and I won’t be able to stand out from the crowd.
Why would they pay me when they can get it from (fill in the blank)
Is this REALLY what I want to do?
I don’t have the time to dilly dally on, I need a for sure thing because I need money NOW.
Thankfully, my soul held fast as my brain kept trying to take the wheel.
My soul – being more wily than my mind – knew that surrender was imminent as the boulder became heavier. The hill got steeper. The malaise grew stronger.
It seemed that the longer I resisted what my soul was trying to get across to me, the stronger I felt unease about anything that wasn’t THAT. And the more disinterested I became in investing my time and energy in the things my brain kept coming up with.
It took two years of sitting in the mire of my mind before I finally said, “Fuck it!” and decided to let trust and faith run the show.
It meant, quite literally, following every whim. It was in doing so that I learned which ones were soul-led and which ones weren’t. Trust me, you learn quickly.
It meant trusting that this was all part of the adventure and that as long as I was staying present and staying true to myself, all would be well.
And all has been well. Exceptionally well.
But gurrrl, let me tell you, the need to control – wanting to know the how – aka wanting to know ALLTHEFUCKINGSTEPS – that shit is POW-ER-FUL.
There were times when I would be able to quiet my mind long enough to get the faintest glimmer of a desire and it was enough for my brain to yell, “GOT IT! LET’S GOOOOO!.” It eagerly wanted to take control and keep me in a perpetual cycle of do do do.
But I would remind myself (and still do) as many times as needed – faith and trust.
Faith. And. Trust.
It takes practice; but before you know it, you’ll find yourself wondering how you ever lived any other way.
I liken it to the time I was training my dog not to pull on the leash when we were out for a walk. Every time she did, I’d stop walking and say “Nala, no pulling” and once she stopped pulling we would resume our walk. But within a few feet, she would eagerly start to pull again and I’d have to repeat the process. Until one day, she stopped pulling.
Unless she’d see a squirrel. Then all bets are off. 